Friday, December 7, 2012


After a heart echo test and xrays, the drs said we were good to do stent. It was done at 130 pm and finished around 430 today. He took a long time to come out of the post anesthesia fog but within a few hours he was shoveling back jello, ice cream and even a burger! The advice from everyone that I have talked to who's gone through cancer is to let him eat whatever he wants, whenever, as much as he wants.

Fact is he can't digest most foods or even stand the taste of them. He has lost around 50-60 lbs in the last few months and would continue to if we limited his diet to only organic and healthy. Basically whatever calories he can stomach, we get excited about! Never did I think I would be okay with him eating ice cream or a McDonalds burger during this time, but the fact is cancer wastes you away and u must obey any cravings that come along. So I have decided not to worry too much about what he eats but more that he eats a lot when he can.

Once chemo starts he will battle with daily nausea and possibly vomiting. Also an overwhelming amount of fatigue- both mean more weight loss. So we have been told and I've learned through research, when hunger strikes get as much in as possible because u have to beat nausea before it comes. Your taste also changes and everything tastes like metal. There is a chemical aftertaste you can't get rid of. So if he wants a hamburger at 2 am, he gets one. once he is well that is when we will heal BOTH of us w good healthy food.

As usual Phil fights like a pro, coming out with his dry jokes when you least expect it, and being polite and patient w us and the staff. Though hes a toothpick, his skin is mostly back to a normal color and he still looks handsome! He does not volunteer his frustrations, pain or sadness, but instead smiles and keeps his brave face. I do the same. When we talk, exchange looks, it is always w strength. We have moments of despair but don't let them last more then a few minutes. There is no point in wasting energy losing it.

We pray daily to think of the big picture and how everyone is struggling with something big these days. That this won't last forever. That Jehovah has overflowed our cup with little and extremely big blessings. Everyday something life changing happens. Everyday we get a text or an email that comes just when we need it.

Today a Dr came in and said hello, noticed our bible on the nighttable and said "are you witnesses?" And we all laughed, yes! Turns out her husband, a little older then Phil had pancreatic non hodgkins lymphoma! Better yet he's been in remission for 6 yrs. I have been praying to connect with someone my age who's been through all this. How could we ever feel desperate or completely lost with all of the congregation praying for us, keeping in touch and offering help?

I keep hearing that congregations all over the map are keenly interested in our situation. Its gotten back to bethel, to old friends in Canada who provide daily support even after all this time apart. Phil's friends in Florida, and friends of friends all over. It is rare I look in an oncology room and see the patient laying beside a friend. This fact might be the hardest part of this whole experience. Just realizing the sheer number of people who have no support, who wake up every day feeling alone. All I can do is smile as I walk by. I could never express to you all how much your concern and support changes our daily lives!!!
Amazingly, dear friends meet me for breakfast or dinner, making me laugh and helping me get a change of scenery for a bit. The best part though is that I can cry. I am not one to complain or victimize my situation in any way throughout my life. Its my nightmare to be a burden or a downer. But at this time I have let my walls down because I need the listening ear and embraces close friends offer. When I have talked about my feelings I am able to laugh again and return strong and positive for Phil. I have realized how huge it is for me to get out everyday. It always helps me keep proper perspective and regroup.

Phil and I try to do little things together that bring in a normalcy to our days. Yesterday I crawled into bed w him and we did a crossword, giggling like we used to. It is so important to laugh together. I miss sleeping beside him and just being able to cozy up while we watch jeopardy every night. But the bed is too small and my arm falls asleep if I hold his hand too long. Nothing is normal. But we work on it and above all keep what we have always had- our sense of humor.

Mostly he sleeps, but that makes me happy because then he's at peace and resting his soul. Maybe even healing a bit. We always remember this isn't forever, its only for a while. As you all know too, each day makes us anxious! you too can get through your own battle. With prayer for strength to endure and requests for wisdom to know how to cope, along with daily bible reading you really can't feel hopeless at the end of the day. Throw all your burden on Jehovah, he wants to make our load lighter. the ball is in our court to throw it over to him.

Back to chemo...they plan it for tmrw or over the wknd. All depends on how his body reacts to stent and how bad inflammation is. It WILL happen very soon. Once again thank you for your care and I will keep u posted!! Its 3 am, time to zonk out!

1 comment:

Jordy said...

We're really glad to hear that the Stent procedure has been a success! Thank you so much for the update!!