It has been a very busy month, and I have wanted to update you all. How is your summer so far?
Here is a pic of us from two weeks ago, when we went out for dinner with Mom and Dad when they were visiting. It was a very special night, as it was our first formal dinner out together again :) Look at his hair, the color in his cheeks.. and the dry humor- it's coming back!
Phil has been getting help to get off his pain medication, which is one of the biggest steps yet. Last week they provided Phil with some medications to curb the withdrawal effects, as he was to quit cold turkey. For a few days those medications gave him a ton of energy. He was all over town with the boys, getting lots of exercise and even getting back to playing music! However last night was his last dose of the "curbing" medications and today is another story.
He woke up extremely depressed and tonight he is jittery and very obviously struggling with the last bit of yucky that detoxing brings. I'm sure it will only last a few days. In a week they can prescribe him either anxiety or depression medication to help boost him back into his life. The chemo has totally destroyed all of Phil's serotonin and it's not physically possible for him to dig deep and just get on with life. The chemicals in his brain are now changed, and unfortunately he will need medication to connect the dots. We are open about it, as it is just another part of recovery from Cancer. I look forward to him waking up and not feeling so low.
I am the same as I have been all year, quite burnt out. But I am used to it by now, and have adapted. Everyday is hard. Little things are difficult to accomplish. But I have gotten to a place in my life where I don't rush anymore and I don't push myself further then is necessary. As women we think we must be busy all of the time, and have the house perfect, every meal made, etc. In reality this isn't possible for me. Phil is so supportive and always tells me not to sweat the small stuff and just do what I can each day. We are partners who understand each other's needs and we actively find ways to lighten each other's load.
Last weekend, at the Saucido's for a bbq <3
The next few weeks will be interesting, as he will be completely off of all medications, and then broaching the idea of new medications for the emotional tole Cancer has taken. Once he is able to get more active, he will have more muscles to head back to work. It has been exactly a year since he last worked, and at this point going back is something Phil looks forward to. They will give him light duty, and he will work his way back into the heavy lifting at the shop. It will be weird, funny, odd when Phil does go back. Surreal, like maybe this year was just a bad dream. It is hard to move on, when something has changed you so much. I think all we can do is focus on the amazing things we do have in our life, and pray for calm spirits. We will throw our burdens on Jehovah and not overthink things too much. Getting back into a routine will be positive in the end.
Melissa made me these amazing cupcakes. lemon cake with blackberry buttercream! I have so many beautiful and deeply supportive girlfriends here, it is just overwhelming. Thanks to each of you for laughing, crying and playing with me :D You guys are gold!!
I will keep in touch again soon.